I’ve done a lot of reflecting today. Smoking a cigarette on my friends fire escape I felt that I’ve mocked myself by going to school, at one time I believed in myself enough to think I didn’t have to. Learning so much from it’s experience and classes itself I feel that I’ve lost the sense of mystery that comes with living in total chaos in a small town, creating things for yourself and submitting them via internet. I’ve gained a sense of self and esteem in my senses for art and music that I’ve acquired over the past year of living in New York whether I thank school or drugs, I’m not sure.
I went to MoMa and I stood in a room, feeling overwhelmed as I would by hearing a song pounding in a bathroom filled with smoke. Almost mocking the art I always have had a tendency to skim the superficial aspect of art for the sake of pointing and saying ’ wow’ in a parallel to what I had seen other people do but without knowing or wondering what everyone else had received by taking a flash photo of this room or by scratching their chin and pondering- I was able to take a deep breath and validate my senses and leave with that for myself and for it to only make sense to myself.